Leave the Same
by marcasite
Summary: Leave here the way we came, with nothing to lose


_For the Geekfiction "Trick-Or-Treat" Ficathon. Thanks go to **Miss Andromache** for the beta and all the help with this story. Thanks a million and I will miss you when you go back home._

How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.

You must be,' said the Cat, or you wouldn't have come here.'

Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on And how do you know that you're mad?'

To begin with,' said the Cat, a dog's not mad. You grant that?'

I suppose so,' said Alice.

Well, then,' the Cat went on, you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.'

I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.

Call it what you like,' said the Cat.

_Lewis Carroll-Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_

♥

It rained the day they ended.

Rain so hard you could see the slant as it worked its way down from the clouds and dropped to the ground with a distinct plop and ricochet. The rain was fast, furious in its intensity and so unusual. Unusual in that it rarely rains this late into autumn. Sara thought it was simply a reflection of the night she had been having. She turned her face up to the sky through the windows of the building, hoping that the onslaught didn't signify anything more than what it was. Rain.

His voice came deep and low from behind her. "We could keep things just the same as before, we could do that."

Sara turned and glanced at the doorway to the break room, before allowing her eyes to settle on his face. "I hope it stops raining soon, not a good night for trick-or-treating if it keeps up."

He looked at her, puzzlement etched on his face and as usual, at a loss for words.

She stared back, "Halloween. Ghosts, goblins, candy." She waved her hand at him as if to help him understand her train of thought.

"Yes, I know its Halloween," he sounded impatient. "What does that have to do with this? With what we were talking about?"

Sara sighed, "Were _we_ talking about anything? I was here watching the rain, trying to read a magazine for five minutes."

They were interrupted by the arrival of Hodges carrying something rolled up in a brown paper lunch bag. He set it down on the table before pulling out a chair and seating himself. Opening the bag he withdrew a small sandwich and a roll of toilet paper. Sara and Grissom both looked on, one with amusement the other with skepticism.

Grissom took this as his cue to leave, waving his hand at Sara in an 'I don't even want know manner.'

"Did you know annual rainfall in Vegas is only about 4 inches a year? Looks like its all coming down tonight." Hodges looked over at Sara, expectantly. "Do you know why we might be getting rain in October? I think it might be because of the increased population over the past two years. "

She ignored Hodges, letting his voice fade into the background as he continued his dissertation on rainfall in Nevada. Everyone knew how much he enjoyed listening to the sound of his own voice so returning to her magazine, she could acknowledge that she was slightly grateful for his interruption. Who knows how far Grissom would have taken that conversation. Isn't breaking up with someone you were never entirely sure you were going out with enough? Do you have to rehash it and lay out all the options? She closed her eyes for a minute, suddenly realizing that she was very tired.

But she did know that if Hodges didn't stop talking in the next five minutes, she was going to kill him.

"It's a great day for an exorcism." Greg burst into the break room, tossing a rubber ball from hand to hand. Hodges looked affronted by the interruption and Sara never thought she would ever say 'Thank God for Greg'.

She looked up at him, lips quirked as if holding back a smile.

"What? You've never heard that phrase? It's a classic!" Greg raised his palms up towards Sara, imitating the movie he had seen it from. Sara smiled at his antics. "Classic scary movie, Sara. It's from 'The Exorcist" which is _only_ the greatest horror movie of all time. Maybe you and I should see it sometime."

"Maybe." She could count on Greg to lighten the mood considerably. She watched as Greg walked over to the table and grabbed the toilet paper. Hodges reached out to snatch it back but Greg side stepped him and backed away from the table.

"What have you got here?" Greg looked Hodges, incredulously. "What are you, five? Are you seriously thinking of TPing someone?" Hodges made another grab for the roll of toilet paper. "You are!"

Hodges looked affronted at Greg's claims. Sara swore Hodges's nose climbed three inches into the air as he sniffed disdainfully at the younger man. "It's not what you think at all. You see toilet paper on Halloween and you automatically assume trouble. How do you know there might not be other, uh, issues."

Greg smirked as he tossed the roll of paper back at Hodges, "Because no one, _no one_, carries toilet paper around with them and brings it out at lunch time. Halloween or not. You're up to no good."

Sara tossed her magazine off to the side and stood up. "I will leave you boys to work this one out on your own." She brushed past Greg and walked out into the hall with the start of what promised to be a spectacular headache.

Perfect.

"Sara?"

She turned back to Greg, standing in the doorway of the break room. "Yeah?"

"Don't forget, maybe sometime, the movie, us. We can go." Greg tripped over his words.

"Yeah, I won't forget. Deal."

Greg smiled at her and she continued on down the hallway, heading for the layout room where she spent the rest of the night avoiding just about everyone, hiding away. There were photographs spread out every which way and the puzzle they presented calmed her a little and helped take her mind off of Grissom's words earlier.

"_This was just what it was. I just don't think I'm really ready for anything more."_

_Sara stared at him; slightly perplexed. "Have I done or said anything to you that makes you think I want more than what we have?" She waved a hand back and forth in the space between their bodies._

_Grissom sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, "No, but eventually you will. You'll want more and I am not sure I'll be able to give you what you need."_

"_So you're giving up." Sara wanted to scream with frustration and hurt. "Why even start anything with me at all? Why even bother?"_

"_Because I care about you, I always have."_

_Sara looked at him, calculating her next words, "Just not enough."_

She hadn't thrown a fit and she wonders if Grissom wasn't relived. She had simply gathered her coat and left. Hadn't looked back, until now. Somehow she knew it would go this way and she felt a little like Alice always falling behind, waiting to see what was around the next corner.

She knew he was here in the room without even turning around. He moved silently and pulled alongside her frame, leaving her personal space intact. She turned to him and pointed out a photograph, "What does that look like to you? There under her jaw?"

He pulled the photo closer to his line of vision and stared into it, "Bite marks, similar to the case Catherine's working on." He pulled back, "I'll let Catherine know she should take a look at these."

Sara just nodded and continued to stare at the pictures in front of her.

"Sara…"

She turned back to him expectantly, and he started to falter. Somehow she knew he wouldn't be able to finish the sentence he started. "Let's say we don't do this at all. What did you once say to me, Grissom? We have nothing to lose. Nothing at all."

He stared at her, sorrow lurking deep in his eyes, as she smiled tightly at him and softly wished him goodnight.

Leaving the building, she marveled at how quickly the rain had come and gone leaving no trace that it had ever been there at all.


End file.
